After traumatic experiences with family court, and hearing from other women and families in similar situations, I wanted to create less traumatic alternatives to current family court practices.  I finished coursework for a PhD in Conflict Resolution and am starting the research process for my dissertation on conflict coaching as an alternative to common family court practices.  Why?  I have already tried most things through the court system, and they were not effective and were cost prohibitive. Individual therapy worked well for me (including EMDR), but it was expensive. Mediation and parenting coordination do not work well in “high conflict” cases.  

What has worked for me is a combination of regaining control of my life, making my own decisions, and staying on top of my mental and physical health.  In addition to therapy, being coached, and being a part of a supportive communities, I have learned about conflict, trauma and communication.  The best part of this is, even if the other person or the situation won’t change, there are things I can do that are within my control to prevent and reduce conflict, stress and trauma.  That is so restorative and empowering!

Something my divorce also taught me is that everyone is going through something.  As a lifelong educator, I started to make the connections between conflict, stress, and trauma and learning and behavior in the classroom.  (My masters degrees focused on this).  Pre-COVID I was actively involved in peace education practices, research, and training.  I promote restorative justice, circles, and peer mediation as alternatives to standard school discipline.  Students can learn to prevent and resolve conflict, too! The majority of my career as an educator was working in alternative settings with disadvantaged youth.  According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, if basic needs like shelter, food, safety and belonging are not met, students will have a hard time learning and reaching their full potential.  Brain science backs this up.  

Another take on this concept is structural violence.  There are some systems in society, like family court or the education system, that should serve the greater good, but actually are structured in a way to benefit certain people and keep them in positions of power.  Systems like these also prevent others from reaching their full potential.  Trauma Informed Solutions is my way of addressing this.  As one person, I cannot overhaul institutions, but I can educate and offer alternatives that help individuals to thrive.